My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
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