am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
