I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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