can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
