Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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