How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
where are my eyebrows?
Shame - the story of my life.
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