Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Who wears a wallet chain?!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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