i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
