Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
