I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
