Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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