i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
