mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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