So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
