I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
