Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
that is very illegal...i love you.
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