Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
