Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
