What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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