Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
