Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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