somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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