'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
