I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
