remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
