good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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