you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
