Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
