Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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