worst night to have a conscience
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
