Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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