i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
