she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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