I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
