My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
