the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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