i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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