sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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