He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
