i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
