His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Boobs speak an international language.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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