He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
