you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
