I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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