i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this beer tastes like vomit already
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
