Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
