so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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