Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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