allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
