R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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