I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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