Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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