get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
