Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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