life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn victory sex feels great
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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