phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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