soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
