Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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